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Women Men Love Women Men Leave by Dr. Connell Cowan & Dr. Melvin Kinder Latoya Dunkley (dunkleyl [email protected] montclair. edu) Lillian Biasotti (Biasottil [email protected] montclair. edu) Katya Bonilla (Bonillak [email protected] montclair. edu
Introduction & Book Description The first half of the book focuses on the difference between intimacy and attachment between men and women and the things women do that makes men leave them. The book explains what men need, fear, and expect and exactly what makes men want to commit to a women. Whether the couple is in the dating stage or already married, males naturally shy away from certain behavior from their mates.
Part 2 The second half of the book examines the kind of behavior that attracts a man and makes him want to make a commitment to an enduring relationship. The authors discuss how trusting a man to love your strength, arousing a man's passion and desire, deepening love through friendship, and giving up the prince and finding the man can lead to winning a man’s heart. At the end of the book, there are quizzes to help a woman determine her own attitudes toward MEN and relate them to her success in maintaining a relationship.
Book Thesis Both men and women want intimacy but what a man considers intimacy is not what women think it is. In the polarity factor men feel most comfortable in the middle of the intimacy scale and women feels most comfortable at the attachment end of the scale. Women’s Bonding Zone Separateness ---------------------(Bonding)>>> Attachment Men’s Bonding Zone Separateness <<<<<<<(Bonding)>>>>>>> Attachment
Continued. . Dr. Cowan & Dr. Kinder believe that women and men view love differently and if WOMEN understood the difference, they can secure the type of long lasting relationship they want. The attitudes and behavior of women destroys intimacy with men.
“I Don’t” One in five U. S. marriages dissolves within five years (Bennett & Ellison 2010). 63% of women believe that marriage is necessary event that they will engage in necessary VS 75% of men believe that marriage is necessary (Bennett & Ellison 2010). 60% of men and half of women will have sex with somebody other than their spouse during their marriage (Bennett & Ellison 2010). 40 years after the feminist movement established women’s rights in the workplace, a generation after the divorce rate peaked, and a decade after the “Sex and the City” era, marriage is no longer necessary (Bennett & Ellison 2010).
“Researchers find that women now constitute a majority of the workforce; they are more educated, less religious, and living longer, with vacuum cleaners and washing machines to make domestic life easier. Women are also the breadwinners (or co-breadwinners) in two thirds of American families” (Bennett & Ellison 2010).
Data Dr. Cowan & Dr. Kinder are practicing clinical psychologists. They use videotape techniques to treat marital and family crisis. Some of their patients were featured in the book to explain the difference between men and women. The authors mentioned different stories of women who seeks attachment and commitment from men.
American women’s labor force participation has risen from 32 percent in 1948 to nearly 60 percent today. (Cox, W. & Alm, R. , 2007)
Quality of Data The stories that are presented in this book are reputable because they are based on true life scenarios. The stories are based on the authors’ women patients. The doctors practice clinical psychology in California, therefore they conducted a regional sample on women. Dr. Cowan and Dr. Kinder collected the data from their patients.
Results The data we found refutes the data used to support the book thesis. According to the authors, women desire commitment and fear being alone. On the other hand…. Sociologist, Philip Cohen, states, “The bottom line is that men, NOT women, are much happier when they're married. ” We do not think the book is helpful because we feel it is one-sided. The book portrays women as only wanting marriage and commitment, however research shows that women are focusing more on their careers and education. Although we may not agree with the book, the authors are trained to write a selfhelp book because they are clinical psychologists.
Discussion and Conclusion Women that buy “Women Men Love, Women Men Leave” are obviously looking for ways to keep a man committed to them to eventually marry. However, today women do not need to rely on men to feel security. In the early days, the main reasons why women married is because they could not provide for themselves financially and needed to rely on their husbands. “Two thirds of female college students (versus 5 percent of men) said they would marry somebody they didn't love if he met their other criteria--primarily, the ability to support them financially (Bennett, J & Ellison, J. (2010). “ Women are increasingly living the “Sex and the City” lifestyle, therefore they are postponing marriage. The book serves use to a small portion of the women that want the attachment described in the book. Not all women want the same thing.
Future Research Ideas The authors of the book should interview women who are living the Sex and the City lifestyle to get insight on their attachment levels. Instead of gathering data from women in their late thirties who feel their biological clock is ticking, data could be gathered from younger women in their midtwenties.
Questions 1. Where in the polarity factor do men fall under? A. At the end B. In the beginning C. In the middle D. More towards the end 2. What is the reason women are not getting married? A. Joining the labor force B. Making more money C. Staying in school longer D. All of the above 3. Where do women fall under the Polarity Factor? A. At the beginning B. In the middle C. At the end D. Closer to the beginning
References Bennett, J & Ellison, J. (2010). I Don’t. Newsweek, 155 (25). Cox, W. & Alm, R. (2007). Women at Work: A Progress Report. Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas, 2 (5). www. census. gov