Without Consent LGBTQ Center Training Keith Labelle February

Without Consent LGBTQ Center Training Keith Labelle February 24, 2012

Assistant Director, Women’s Center

What I do outside URI

Disclaimer: ¢ This is an INTERACTIVE presentation! No one wants to listen to us for over an hour! ¢ Anything goes. (Some cursing – not meant to offend!) ¢ Victim/Survivor terminology ¢ Some of the topics are difficult to discuss – if you need to, you can leave & talk with one of us after the presentation.

What are we going to talk about? ¢ URI VPAS ¢ Sexual Assault ¢ Dating Violence ¢ Stalking ¢ Victimization Issues ¢ Date Rape Drugs ¢ How to help a friend Because interpartner violence is so underreported, we know that much

Research Limitations on Violence in LGBTQ Relationships Researcher prejudice makes this subject less worthy of attention, ¢ There are inherent dangers for the victim/survivor in disclosing violence in the relationship ¢ There are multiple dangers incoming out under these circumstances. ¢ There is consequently little “scholarly” information on domestic violence in LGBT communities.

The mission of the University of Rhode Island’s Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services Program is to provide education and awareness to the campus community regarding sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking as well as to provide advocacy to victims of these crimes.

Services Provided Crisis intervention & support for victims including: assistance with judicial and criminal justice systems l accompaniment to Health Services / local hospital / court / police etc. l act as liaison with campus departments l

Client Support • Approximately 250 client contacts per semester

CLIENT CONTACTS BY SEMESTER Fall 2002 Fall 2003 Fall 2004 Fall 2005 Fall 2006 Fall 2007 Fall 2008 Fall 2009 Fall 2010 63 266 207 209 336 341 146 243 196 Spring 2003 Spring 2004 Spring 2005 Spring 2006 Spring 2007 Spring 2008 Spring 2009 Spring 2010 Spring 2011 127 283 276 197 189 286 138 179 173 Close to 4, 000 client contacts since program started Averaging 214 client contacts EVERY SEMESTER!!!

Who do you know?

The First Line of Defense 97% of acquaintance rape survivors indicated that informed at least one close person. This person may be you!

Let’s talk about SEX… l. Name game l. How do you know?

What is good sex? ¢ Consent is willing agreement to participate in specific sexual acts. ¢ If sex takes place without consent it is RAPE. ¢ A person who is asleep, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless due to intoxication or drugs is unable to give consent.

“Mentally incapacitated” – a person who is rendered temporarily incapable of appraising or controlling his or her conduct due to the influence of a narcotic, anesthetic, or other substance administered to that person without his or her consent, OR who is mentally unable to communicate unwillingness to engage in the act. “Physically helpless” – a person who is unconscious, asleep, or for any other reason is physically unable to communicate unwillingness to an act.

What else is consent? ¢ Consent may be withdrawn at any time – even during the act. ¢ If somebody is wasted they can’t legally agree to have sex!

RI Statutes on Sexual Assault Age of consent: 16 First Degree Sexual Assault • • Sexual penetration of any part of the victim’s body by any part of the offender’s body or by an object Gender Neutral No statute of limitations No spousal exemption since 1987

RI Statutes on Sexual Assault Second Degree Sexual Assault Sexual contact without penetration for sexual gratification ¢ Three-year statue of limitations ¢

RI Statutes on Sexual Assault Third Degree Sexual Assault ¢ One party over the age of 18 engages in sexual penetration with person between the ages of 14 and 16 ¢ Consent of younger party not a defense ¢ Three-year statute of limitations

Sexual Assault – who is affected? ¢ ¢ ¢ 1 in 4 women is raped in her lifetime – sisters, girlfriends, etc. 1 st six weeks of freshman year is most dangerous 1 in 6 men is sexually assaulted during his life. 87% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. In the US there are 78 rapes every hour. 83% of sexual assault victims are under 25.

More Facts… ¢ Over 66% of sexual assault victims reported no visible physical injuries ¢ Less than 20% of crimes of sexual violence are reported to the police ¢ Only 2% of acquaintance rapes are reported to the police ¢ Only 2% of reported sexual assaults have been determined to be false reports

The Survivor Project’s 1998 Gender, Violence, and Resource Access Survey of transgender and intersex individuals found that 50% of respondents had been raped or assaulted by a romantic partner, though only 62% of these individuals (31% of the total) identified themselves as survivors of domestic violence when explicitly asked.

An estimated 92, 748 men are forcibly raped each year in the U. S

Male Sexual Assault Stats ¢ One out of every 33 men have been the victims of attempted rape or completed rape ¢ 11 -12% of all rape and attempted victimizations occur to men ¢ Male victims represent 25 -35% of child sexual abuse victims ¢ It is believed that 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before age 18

Adult Male Sexual Assaults ¢ Male stranger rape victims were more likely to have had their assaults involve weapons and physical violence when compared to the characteristics of the assaults of women. ¢ Frequently occur as part of violent muggings ¢ Emergency Room doctors and police usually don’t look for behavioral signs of sexual assault in men.

Child Molestation ¢ “Grooming” is the key ¢ 90% of the time, the boy knows his abuser ¢ Relatives, Coaches, Spiritual Leaders, Camp Counselors, Boy Scout Leaders ¢ Most men who abuse boys define their sexual orientation as heterosexual

In a study of male survivors sexually abused as children, over 80% had a history of substance abuse; 50% had suicidal thoughts; 23% had attempted suicide; and almost 70% had received psychological treatment.

There are more women who have suffered sexual assaults than there are women who wear glasses.

Where does it happen? l l 60% took place in the victim’s residence 30% took place in other living quarters on campus l 10% took place in fraternities

Up to 57% of rapes happened on what could be considered a date.

Dating abuse is… A pattern of coercive behaviors, including emotional, physical and sexual attacks, that people use against their dating partners to maintain power & control in the relationship.

Examples of abuse Telling you what to do, where you can go, who you can talk to, etc. ¢ Punching things, throwing things, etc. to scare you. ¢ Making you feel responsible for everything (bad moods, things going wrong, etc. ). ¢ Threats ¢ Physical or sexual assaults & activities against your will. ¢

Offender Tactics Isolation l Control of finances l Denial l Blame l Manipulation l Children l

Domestic abuse occurs in approximately 30 to 40% of GLBT relationships, which is the same percentage of violence that occurs in straight relationships. It is a myth that same -sex couples don't batter each other, or if they do; they are just "fighting" or it is "mutual abuse".

Statistics 1 in 4 women is abused in a relationship during her life ¢ Over 1/3 of high school & college students have experienced physical violence in a relationship ¢ Over 30% of victims told NO ONE about the assault ¢ Every 12 seconds a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend ¢

¢ Each day approximately 3 women in the US are killed by a male partner ¢ 65% of them had split up with the abuser prior to their death

Barriers to Leaving: Embarrassment Fear Friends with the same people Afraid to be alone Family Pressures Believe it’s deserved LOVE It’s not so bad No one to tell Violence Share a house Denial Self Blame Hopes he’ll/she’ll Change

Researchers report a high rate of battering within the context of intimate gay partnerships among men, with 39% of those studied reporting at least one type of battering by a partner over the last five years.

Gay Male Domestic Violence & Reasons Victims Stay Reasons for Staying (N = 43) % Financial Dependence Naïveté/Inexperience Love Hope for Change Loneliness Commitment Emotional Dependence 18. 6 16. 3 14. 0 9. 3 7. 0 Cycle of Violence Fear Guilt Low Self-Esteem Physical Attraction Physical Dependence Trapped 4. 6 2. 3 2. 3

In a study with 1, 109 individuals who identified as lesbian, slightly more that half of the respondents reported having been abused by a female partner in their lifetime.

Why do partners hit? Choice

Unnecessary Roughness You stop by a friend’s room to say hi. He has a dark bruise under his eye. He says the black eye came from goofing around with his boyfriend. His boyfriend is verbally abusive and your friend has had unexplained bruises before. What can you do?

Options Don’t say anything, it’s none of my business. ¢ Tell him it looks like he’s been hit, but drop it if he seems defensive. ¢ Offer him my support. Tell him I’m always available to talk if she needs to. ¢ Discuss the situation with my hall director, my RA or _______. ¢ Present him with options, like giving him the phone number to VPAS or to a local hotline. ¢

Stalking… ¢ Harassing, threatening or obscene phone calls, e-mails, IM’s, Facebook messages, texts, etc. ¢ Following or being there before the victim arrives ¢ Vandalism/damage to personal property ¢ Unwanted gifts or objects Stalking is strongly linked to domestic violence – particularly for female victims

Facebook & Similar Sites ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ Major stalking tools Provides too much info to the general public Recommend students DO NOT include address/dorm info/phone #/screen name/course schedule Don’t accept “friends” unless they are known to you Cyberstalking law includes harassment Maintain good privacy settings Note: professors are on it too – watch what you post!!

How does stalking affect you? ¢ Most victims are between 18 – 29 years old. ¢ Women are more likely to be assaulted by their stalker in a relationship before the stalking or during the stalking. ¢ 80% of campus stalking victims knew their stalker.

Victims and offenders exist in all classes, races, ages, and ethnicities. It can happen to anyone.

GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered) Victims Violence occurs at the same rate as in heterosexual relationships ¢ Often fear being “outed” by the offender or when reporting ¢ Stereotypes regarding genders make it harder for the victim ¢ Increased access to victim by perpetrator ¢

GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered) Victims ¢ Dating violence & sexual assaults are much less likely to be reported ¢ By the time dv is reported the violence is often at a much more severe level

Barriers to Reporting Fear that police, medical personnel, and counselors won’t be sensitive to LGBTQ issues ¢ Concern over being forced to come out to friends, families, professionals ¢ Societal disbelief that same-sex violence occurs ¢ Beliefs survivors of same-sex violence do not deserve/need help ¢

Remember When… ¢ Think about your last consensual sexual experience (whatever that included for you) ¢ It must have involved another person ¢ It must have involved just ONE other person

Effects of sexual assault & dating violence on victims Psychological effects: ¢ Shame ¢ Guilt & Self Blame ¢ Fear ¢ Anger ¢ Betrayal ¢ Denial Physical effects: ¢ Depression ¢ Sleep disorders ¢ Eating disorders ¢ Sexual behavior changes ¢ Increased use of drugs & alcohol

Over 90% of college students had used drugs or alcohol prior to a sexual assault BUT… Drugs and alcohol do not excuse sexual assault

Watch your bottle ¢ Keep your hand over your drink ¢ Don’t let others buy you drinks ¢ Watch the bartender make your drink ¢ Buddy Up – Watch out for each other ¢ If you put your drink down, get a new one ¢ Don’t drink group drinks

Signs of Having Been Drugged Drowsiness ¢ Confusion ¢ Disinhibition ¢ Promiscuity ¢ Impaired Motor Skills ¢ Respiratory Distress ¢ Unconsciousness ¢ Coma ¢ Death ¢

What To Do? Don’t leave the person alone or let them “sleep it off” ¢ Seek medical attention immediately ¢ Preserve the evidence (glass, bottle, remaining fluid, empty pill capsule) ¢ If possible, do not urinate before reaching the hospital ¢

Sexual Assault Examination Kit ¢ Within 72 -96 hours of the assault ¢ Can be done at any local Hospital ¢ Police will only be contacted with the victim’s consent ¢ Can be done on women or men ¢ Does NOT prove or disprove a rape – is for evidence gathering purposes

Make the Call You’re hanging out at the Library when a female friend comes to find you. She is upset and says that last night she was forced to have sex when she didn’t want to. What do you do?

Possible options… Tell her you don’t want to get involved. ¢ Discuss the situation with another friend to get their advice. ¢ Listen and support her – ask her how I can help. ¢ Tell her that you’re sorry and it wasn’t her fault. ¢ Refer her to her RA and/or the Counseling Center for help. ¢ OTHER… ¢

Keys to helping Listen – you may be the first person she/he has told. Your role is not to blame him or her – just to be nonjudgmental & supportive. ¢ Provide info. – it may be hard for her/him to reach out to anyone else. Give resource numbers, fliers, and anything else that’s useful. ¢ Respect her fears – don’t assume she is overreacting and don’t promise full protection. Get professionals involved if there is danger to her or you. ¢

Most importantly… Be patient – she/he may not yet be ready to end the relationship. Don’t tell her she is wrong or give up on her – it will further isolate her. Tell her you are there to support her whenever she is ready, but that you worry about her safety. ¢ Tell her/him often that: ¢ it is not your fault!

Questions? Thanks for having me here today!