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Winter Retreat 2007 - Marriage Topic 1: How to prepare? Topic 2: Steps in Dating. Topic 3: Inside Marital Life
Marriage - Statistics 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) People are getting married later (29 for men and 27 for women) 88% believe there is one soul mate for them. 60% of marriages end up in divorce. 65% of couples live together before they marry. 65% of adultery cases end up in divorce 90% believe adultery is wrong 67% of 2 nd marriages and 73% of 3 rd marriages end up in divorce. Porn business is $12 B more than all of football, baseball and basketball leaves make, and more than NBC, ABC and CBS. Internet porn is $2. 5 B. Sex is the #1 topic that is searched.
Preparation What are we talking about in terms of preparation? Is it, Finding the “THE” dress Ø The perfect menu Ø The right DJ Ø Flowers, photographer and videographer Ø Important stuff like home & furniture Ø No, seriously, must be the spouse Ø
Preparation ANSWER None of the above
Preparation Must start with who designed marriage? If I know who and how, then I will be able to understand how marriage works. Gen 2: 18 -25 God wants companionship God is all about relationships (Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, …) Love triangle
Preparation What about sex? Who created sex? Why? 1) Procreation 2) Intimacy and pleasure
Preparation Marriage must be l l l Full of Love Primary Exclusive Intimacy Growth Permanent How to practice l l l Giving, forgiving and sacrificing Making God my #1 (Phil 4: 19) Practicing 1 faith Keeping my purity Growing my spiritual life Proper way of dating v Other things to work on üPersonality üCommunication
Preparation Women’s English l l l l Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead] Men’s English l I'm hungry = I'm hungry l I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy l I'm tired = I'm tired
Steps in Dating Is dating wrong? Then how do you go about it? 1) 2) 3) 4) Friendship Dating Engagement Marriage
Steps in Dating How does dating typically work? What do you think of the results? What is the flaw? In dating, can have mistakes, but no undo button in marriage. Is marriage full of compromises? Is it all 50/50? No, must sacrifice life for spouse. Must rely on God to give your spouse. (Mt. 6: 33)
Steps in Dating If you want something that you never had Then you must do something that you have never done (Rom 12: 2) If I walk in the same steps as the world dates, wouldn’t I end up in the same situation (60% divorce rate). God wants better for me.
Steps in Dating How to choose? A) General Philosophies l Same faith (2 Cor 6: 14) l Holiness l High expectations (eph 3: 20)
Steps in Dating How to choose? B) Common mistakes l l l l Rush Decision made too young Too eager Unrealistic “I can change him/her” Believe that opposites attract Base decision on emotions
Steps in Dating How to choose? C) What to look for Spiritual life or Christ centered life 2) Family 3) Intellect 4) Emotional expressions 5) Responsibility & reliability 6) Job stability and career 7) Physical appearance 8) Physical disorders 9) Psycho emotional disorders (depression) 10) Social skills 1)
Steps in Dating How do I know if it is right? 1) 2) 3) 4) Need guidance of your spiritual father Comfort level of your decision Parental advice Circumstantial evidence (obstacles, door closings, …)
Steps in Dating Where do I go? How to find? Must rely on my God, to reveal to me my spouse. Expose yourself. Church outings, conventions, social outings, …
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? First must decide what kind of marriage you want to have. Traditional (Husband dictates, does no housework, will not want wife to work) Untraditional (Will get involved in housework, doesn’t mind that his wife works)
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? Eph 5: 22 -23 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church” 1 Cor 11: 3 “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. ”
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? Unfortunately, society cannot accept these words. Woman’s lib, woman’s rights, women priests. All are equal. What was Eve’s sin?
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? So how does the wife submit? 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) As to the Lord. Cheery & supportive. To husband’s leadership. Christ to the Father. Adopt a servant’s attitude (Jesus washing feet). Not rebellious and “fiery spirit”.
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? Other roles Not: 1) nagging 2) fake 3) seductive 4) harshness 5) weakness
Inside Marriage What is the role of the wife? Other roles 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) Respect husband in all things. Adornment of clothes (1 Pet 3: 1 -4). Modesty Purity and holiness Gentleness, meekness, calmness, quietness Motherhood Obedience
Inside Marriage What is the role of the husband? Eph 5: 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” The primary role for men is LOVE. This is a lifetime of work and effort and improve. Love is not a feeling or an emotion. Deliberate effort to do something. It is a decision. Love is self sacrificing. Daily small things. What do you put in your marriage? What do you give?
Inside Marriage What is the role of the husband? Must look at nourishing and cherishing. Nourishing: physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially. Cherishing: caring. Love is a commitment.
Inside Marriage What is the role of the husband? Another role is to be the leader. Leader in relationship and pace Friendship Courtship Engagement Marriage Kids (228 -0745—call Happy for details) Leader: in purity in dating and afterwards Leader: to lead her to Christ.
Inside Marriage Dynamics Set rules: Spiritual – (which church, service) Financial – (how you will spend and budget) Social – (friends, vacations, in-laws) Career – (masters or work) Children – (timing, number, contraception) Intimacy – (companionship, know your spouse’s “love language”.
Inside Marriage Communication Clarity – Mc. Donald’s way of communication. Paraphrasing Clarifying Feedback Listen with empathy and awareness. Total not partial listening. Fair fighting rules (Christ in midst, right time and place, one item, do not blame, be reasonable in demands and stay calm)
Inside Marriage Church Laws Engagement: signed certificate Marriage: signed agreement, in church, must have witnesses and consent. Must be by recognized priest. Divorce: death, adultery & other rare exception Annulment: intentional deceit (diseases, fraud, disorders)
Inside Marriage Final Words Phil 4: 19 “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” Ps 37: 4 “Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. ” Eph 3: 20 “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” DO NOT SETTLE FOR 2 ND BEST.
Prayer Elements Praise Thanksgiving Confession Our Needs (spiritual, physical, social, …) Others Intercessions