Sarcasm If I could say this and roll

Sarcasm "If I could say this and roll my eyes it would be funny. ” ~ Oxford English Dictionary on Sarcasm - a cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. It's rude. It is a put-down, and often unkind. BUT It can be a beautiful and impressive thing. If you're willing to move on from everyday sarcasm to something bigger and better, you will find it an art.

v. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested. v. I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works. v. I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you. v. I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before. v. I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others. v. Now we know why some animals eat their own children.

Irony ØIrony is an implied discrepancy between what is said and what is meant ØThe use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning ØA statement or situation where the meaning is contradicted by the appearance or presentation of the idea

Son: How much does it cost to get married dad? Father: I don’t know, I’m still paying for it. I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn’t enough anxiety in my life. I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

Pun A play on words, either on different senses of the same word or on the similar sense or sound of different words. She: You see, darling, this hat costs only twenty dollars. Good buy. He: Yes, good bye, twenty dollars. - Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger? - No, but I have seen a man eating herring. a man-eating tiger – тигр-людоед a man eating herring – человек, который ест селёдку

-If you don’t merry me, Jane, I’ll hang myself on a tree in front of your house. - Oh, Johnny, don’t! You know my father hates young men hanging about the house. to hang – 1. повесить; to hang about - болтаться When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’ fire at will – одиночный огонь Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

SPOONERISM Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. This happens accidentally in slips of the tongue

Tease my ears (Ease my tears) Подразните мои уши (облегчите мои слёзы) A lack of pies (A pack of lies) Недостаток пирогов (сплошная ложь) Soap in your hole (Hope in your soul) Мыло в твоей норе (надежда в твоей душе) Plaster man (Master plan) Штукатур (руководить планом)

"Doctor, I think I'm a moth (мотылёк )" "I'm sorry you've come to the wrong place. You want the psychiatrist next door" "Yes, I know, but your light was on"

A chicken walked into a library and said: "Buk" The librarian gave her a book and she left. The next day the chicken walked into a library again and said: "Buk, buk" The librarian gave her three books and she left. The next day the chicken walked into a library again and said: "Buk, buk, buk" The librarian gave her five books and she left, but the librarian decided to follow her because she had never known of a chicken who was such an avid reader. She followed the chicken to her home and watched her give the books to a frog who was ill in bed. The frog said: " Redit, redit, redit. . . " Buk - ко-ко-ко; Redit – ква-ква

The world’s greatest joke Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services and gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do? ” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead. ” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what? ”