Plain Language Writing Presented by Jola Edwards Policy

Plain Language Writing Presented by Jola Edwards Policy Technical Assistance Center for Policy and Innovation Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services 1

It’s about communicating. What is it? Why should I use it? How do I do it? 2

Just Say It. Find Plain Read language Understand makes it Act on easy for readers to: INFORMATION 3

Plain Language is a worldwide movement. Sweden UK European Union Canada Australia Mexico United States Government Business Healthcare Legal 4

“Clear writing from your government is a civil right. ” —Former Vice President Al Gore, 1998 5

Why use plain language? Saves time Reduces mistakes telephone calls litigation frustration Saves money Is more easily translated Is more accessible 6

Example of cost savings: In 2007, after rewording its letters, Arizona's Department of Revenue received about 11, 000 fewer phone calls than in the year before. 7

Testimonial from the federal government “The focus on PL let everyone know that it is OK to be clear, that we don't have to hide our message behind big words and bureaucratic language. ” (Veterans Benefits Administration) 8

The Wizard of Id 9

Web Accessibility Content Guidelines (WCAG) 2. 0: Guideline 3. 1 Readable: Make text content readable and understandable. —World Wide Web Consortium (W 3 C) http: //www. w 3. org/TR/2008/NOTE-WCAG 20 -TECHS-20081211/G 153 10

The Plain Language Process: 1. Identify your audience 2. Organize to meet their needs 3. Write using plain language techniques 11

The Plain Language Process: 4. Create a user-friendly design 5. Test your document to see if it is really “plain. ” 12

Document Design: Which would you rather read? Diagnostic Procedures At the beginning of the process are the application and diagnostic procedures upon which you base your eligibility decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze, and evaluate information considering the overall process. It may be helpful at this stage to "begin with the end in mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed from each piece of the process to move to the next step. At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you have the first opportunity to investigate the impact of disability on the consumer. Investigating this kind of information in the diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and exploration. You must be prepared with the right questions and focus on the outcome to ensure that you can gather pertinent information, if it is not readily available. You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation in which you explain your role of counselor as direct provider of services, arranger or coordinator of services, and consumer advocate. The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the person does not yet fully understand the role he or she will play in becoming successful. Depending on the level of participation possible from the consumer, you should also explain any further diagnostic procedures, the eligibility process, and decision making that influences further planning. A sensitive, thorough interview is necessary, since one outcome may be that you find no indication of a disability and recommend that the person seek services from another source. The level and extent of evaluations you request to supplement the interview should be based on your diagnostic appraisal. Conserving funds and time dictates obtaining only the amount of information needed to evaluate the individual consumer. Again, "beginning with the end in mind" helps you to clarify the decisions you must make for eligibility when you first meet the consumer. The application, diagnostic interview, and subsequent diagnostic procedures are the first of several cornerstone pieces of a sound plan of services to reach the agreed-upon outcome. Having sound diagnostic information leads you to determining eligibility. The diagnostic interview is a significant vehicle for collecting information because it allows the consumer to provide you with needed social and vocational history. If you have not sufficiently developed this piece, you may fail to realize the need for a medical, psychological, educational, or vocational evaluation, a failure that could lead to a poor eligibility decision or developing a less than optimal plan for employment. You must see the diagnostic interview as a critical part of planning and decision making. Your role is to listen effectively and to ask questions as necessary. Diagnostic Procedures At the beginning of the process are the application and diagnostic procedures upon which you base your eligibility decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze, and evaluate information considering the overall process. It may be helpful at this stage to "begin with the end in mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed from each piece of the process to move to the next step. Developing a Plan At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you have the first opportunity to investigate the impact of disability on the consumer. Investigating this kind of information in the diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and exploration. You must be prepared with the right questions and focus on the outcome to ensure that you can gather pertinent information, if it is not readily available. You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation in which you explain your role of counselor as direct provider of services, arranger or coordinator of services, and consumer advocate. The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the person does not yet fully understand the role he or she will play in becoming successful. 13

Accessible design is universal design Informative headings and subheadings Left-aligned, ragged right Line length of 65 characters or less Bulleted or numbered lists Tables White space 14

What are some of the PL writing techniques? Action verbs rather than nominals Active rather than passive voice No extra words Simple words Well-placed words Breaking up noun chains Simple tables Well-structured lists Personal pronouns Question and Answer format Present tense Shorter sentences One topic in each paragraph Fewer sublevels Words, not slashes Parallel phrasing “Must” instead of “shall” 15

Action Verbs Rather than Nominals A nominal is a verb that has been changed into a noun. Nominal DARS conducted an investigation of the complaint. Action Verb DARS investigated the complaint. 16

Just say No to Nominals! Nominals Action Verbs perform an assessment of assess give consideration to consider make payment pay conduct a review of review issue a report 17

Why use action verbs instead of nominals? Too many nouns Active verbs Abstract Concrete Wordy Concise Sluggish Lively 18

“Prefer the concrete word to the abstract. . . . abstract expression and the excessive use of nouns are almost the same thing. The cure [is to clear away] noun rubbish. ” —H. W. Fowler, “The King’s English, ” 1908 19

Exercise 1: Edit to Clean Up the “Noun Rubbish” ( = Nominals) Before entering into a contract for consumer goods or services, the division conducts an assessment of the need for the good or service, and makes a determination of how to measure contract quality and performance. Exercise 1 20

Active Voice Uses normal word order in a sentence: subject—verb—object Tells “who” “did what” to “whom. ” Example: Sally wrote the rule. 21

Passive Voice The object becomes the subject. The doer of the action (the usual subject) disappears, or moves to the end of the sentence in a "by" phrase. The verb uses a form of "to be" with the past participle. Examples: The rule was written by Sally. 22

If overused, passive voice • makes the reader work harder • creates sluggish, foggy writing 23

Active voice is more üConcise! üDirect! üLively! 24

Never say never. . . even about passive voice. . Use it when you don’t want to identify the doer is unknown, unimportant, or obvious the law is the doer Example: The rule was repealed in 2009. 25

Never say never. . . even about passive voice. OR, use it to mention the object at the first of a sentence to link up with something mentioned in the preceding sentence. Example: A consumer may designate a representative. The representative may be authorized to sign documents or speak for the consumer. 26

Never say never. . . even about passive voice. Passive voice can thus sometimes improve the flow of ideas in a paragraph. But use it knowingly and sparingly. 27

Exercise 2—Passive Voice Support functions that are defined in the BEAT plans are provided by the BEAT Team. Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to guide department team members during recovery operations. BEAT plans must be reviewed by department managers and team members at least twice annually in conjunction with the BEAT exercises. Exercise 2 a How many passive verbs? 28

Exercise 2—Passive Voice Support functions that are defined in the BEAT plans are provided by the BEAT Team. Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to guide department team members during recovery operations. Exercise 2 b Rewrite in active voice 29

Time for a break! 30

No Extra Words Cut out 1. unnecessary repetition 2. wordy phrases 3. extra prepositional phrases 4. unnecessary adjectives 5. clutter words 31

Unnecessary Repetition Before Billable activities include meeting with the consumer to gather information and document the assessment for the consumer’s care plan, and meeting with the consumer to gather information and document the reassessment for the consumer’s care plan. 32

Unnecessary Repetition After Billable activities include meeting with the consumer to gather information and document the following for the consumer’s care plan: the assessment, and the reassessment. 33

2. Wordy Phrases that use many words to do the work of one or two. at this point in time during the period when due to the fact that in the event that notwithstanding the fact that 34

Wordy Phrases at this point in time now during the period when due to the fact that since, because in the event that if notwithstanding the fact that although 35

3. Too Many Prepositional Phrases create wordiness and add extra nouns (and thus abstraction). In general, writing that is “LEAN” averages 1 preposition for every 10– 15 words. “FLABBY” may have 1 preposition for every 4– 5 words. Watch out for too many “of’s” in a sentence. —Bryan Garner’s Modern American Usage 36

Too Many Prepositional Phrases Flabby: … but only such services as are needed [for such individual] [by reason] [of his condition] [of being disabled]. (4) Lean: … but only those services the consumer needs because he or she has a disability. (0) 37

Too Many Prepositional Phrases Flabby: If the location [of the land] is [in a state] other [than the state] [in which] the tribe’s reservation is located, the tribe’s justification [of anticipated benefits] [from the acquisition] will be subject [to greater scrutiny]. 7 prepositional phrases 38

Too Many Prepositional Phrases Lean: If the land is [in a different State] [than the tribe's reservation], we will scrutinize the tribe's justification [of anticipated benefits] more thoroughly. 3 prepositional phrases 39

4. Unnecessary Adjectives [considerable] difficulty [pertinent] information [personal] opinion [integral] part [future] plans [new] innovation [violent] explosion [absolutely] necessary 40

5. Clutter Words The office has not [yet] received the report. The worker denied [any] knowledge of the new forms. The governor is [now] serving his third term. The program will close [down] on July 1. 41

Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind. —Cicero 42

Exercise 3: No Extra Words Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible individuals involved in pursuit of education are currently the responsibility of the Division for Rehabilitation Services and not the responsibility of state colleges and universities. Exercise 3 43

Simple Words Understood quickly & easily Prefer the Anglo Saxon word to the Latin derivative 44

Latin Derivative prior to subsequent to acquire adjacent to conceal Anglo Saxon before after get beside hide 45

Simple, Everyday Words Not these, utilize assist numerous individual methodology initiate shall obtain But these: use help many person, consumer methods begin, start must get 46

Example of a Simpler Word Before: The counselor assists the consumer with making an informed choice. After: The counselor helps the consumer make an informed choice. 47

Our national tendency is to inflate and thereby sound important. . But the secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. —William Zinsser, On Writing Well, 1998 48

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Exercise 4: Simple Words Any employee utilizing air transportation may be authorized by the supervisor prior to the trip to engage a rental vehicle in the destination city when the expenditure will be less than taxi fare, or empowers the traveler to accomplish agency business more efficiently. Exercise 4 50

Well-Placed Words Keep related words close together: subjects, verbs, & objects modifiers & the things they modify 51

Well-Placed Words Before: Accommodations that were established during phases 6 and 7 as prescribed in the business plan to ensure that the individual is able to maintain a successful long-term business are reviewed monthly. 52

Well-Placed Words After: Accommodations were prescribed in the business plan to ensure that the consumer can maintain a successful long-term business. The accommodations were put in place during phases 6 and 7 and are reviewed monthly. 53

Breaking Up Noun Chains DARS program division contract procurement responsibility resides with. . . Responsibility for procuring contracts for DARS program divisions resides with. . . 54

Simple tables make it easy take in complex ideas at a glance locate specific provisions save words clarify logic and structure 55

Simple Tables Find the table in this sentence: We must receive your completed application form on or before the 15 th day of the second month following the month you are reporting if you do not submit your application electronically or the 25 th day of the second month following the month you are reporting if you submit your application electronically. 56

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Well-Structured Lists Well-structured lists make it easy for the reader to Øfind all the items Øfollow the steps add white space for eye appeal 58

Find the list in this sentence: The student applicant should submit an official copy of his or her transcript, two letters of recommendation from professors, a statement of financial need, and a short biographical statement to our grants office by April 15. 59

Did you find this? To apply, submit the following items to our grants office by April 15: an official copy of your transcript, two letters of recommendation from professors, a statement of financial need, and a short biographical statement. Of course you did! 60

Personal Pronouns Yes, Virginia, engage readers you can say simplify verbs “we” & “you. ” reduce wordiness provide a less official tone 61

“You” hits home with the reader. 62

Simpler Verbs with “You” 3 rd person: The counselor assesses the consumer. 2 nd person: You assess the consumer. or Assess the consumer. 63

Example of Third Person When the counselor becomes aware of a lawsuit, the counselor provides the consumer with a copy of DARS 7500, and reviews it with the consumer to answer any questions. 64

Example of Second Person When you become aware of a lawsuit, give the consumer a copy of DARS 7500, and review it with the consumer to answer any questions. Less wordy, isn’t it? 65

How to Use “You” Use “you” for the person who follows the policy. Example from DARS Policy Manual: As soon as you have access to the electronic case management system, create a pseudo PIN. 66

How to Use “You” If you are writing to the consumer, use “you” to refer to the consumer, and use “we” or “us” to refer to the agency. Example: You may request a duplicate certificate when you need one by contacting us. 67

Identify who “you” refers to in your document. Examples If you are the VR counselor, you must. . or In this chapter, “you” refers to the VR counselor. 68

Example: More than 1 “You” Use the following guidelines to help people with physical disabilities when an evacuation has been ordered. o If you are a floor safety coordinator, you must 1. 2. check on employees in your area who have special needs during an evacuation, and ensure that each employee with a disability has an evacuation buddy and a back-up buddy who will help the person in the evacuation. 69

Example, continued If you are an evacuation buddy, o attempt to rescue or evacuate a disabled employee only 1. 2. if you have had rescue training, or if the employee is in immediate danger and cannot wait for professional help; o always ask the person 1. how you can help, 2. how you can best move the person, and 3. whethere any special considerations, or items you need to bring with you. 70

Example: Excerpt from CFR § 3501. 16 Does my permit or lease grant me an exclusive right to develop the lands covered by the permit or lease? No. Your permit or lease gives you an exclusive right to the mineral, but not to the lands. —Bureau of Land Management 71

Wordiness, fixed by “you” Before: Business and Consumer Purchasing staff members must complete DARS 1308, Conflict of Interest Certification, by September 1 each year. The original of the completed DARS 1308 is kept in the Business and Consumer Purchasing staff member’s personnel file and a copy is kept by the staff member’s supervisor. (46 words) 72

Wordiness, fixed by “you” After: You must complete DARS 1308, Conflict of Interest Certification, by September 1 each year. The original form is kept in your personnel file, and a copy is kept by your supervisor. (30 words) 73

Exercise 5: Personal Pronouns Edit the following paragraph to use “you” for the applicant. The applicant will be the primary source of information regarding his or her circumstances for the purposes of determining eligibility and need. If the counselor needs to secure information from other sources, the counselor will ask the applicant to authorize the release of information. Exercise 5 74

Review: Wordy, unclear policy In those cases when an individual is incapable of entering a PIN, the counselor or RST may enter one. When the counselor or RST enters a PIN for the individual, the action must be witnessed. The witness' name is entered on RSS in the appropriate space. (46 words) 75

Concise, clear policy When a consumer cannot enter a PIN, you enter a PIN for the consumer, have the action witnessed, and enter the witness's name in the electronic case management system. (29 words) 76

Want to learn more about PL? Plainlanguage. gov 77

A Plain English Handbook How to create clear SEC disclosure documents http: //www. sec. gov/pdf/handbook. pdf before The foregoing Fee Table is intended to assist investors in understanding the costs and expenses that a shareholder in the Fund will bear directly or indirectly. after This table describes the fees and expenses that you may pay if you buy and hold shares of the fund. 78

DARS Document Design and Style Guide Chapter 5: DARS Editorial Style Guide explains PL techniques promotes consistent grammar format mechanics http: //darsnet. dars. txnet. state. tx. us/bookshelf/dars/design/default. htm 79

In Conclusion Plain language techniques are not new; they are the tenets of good clear writing that have been around for years. PL is all about identifying and respecting the reader, not burdening the reader with unnecessary legalese, bureaucratic gobbledygook, or flabby writing. It provides the best customer service to our readers. 80

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. —Antoine de Saint-Exupery 81

Exercise 1: Edit to Clean Up the “Noun Rubbish” ( = Nominals) Before entering into a contracting for consumer goods or services, the division conducts an assessesment of the need for the good or service, and makes a determinesation of how to measure contract quality and performance. Exercise 1 Suggested Answer 82

Exercise 2—Passive Voice Support functions that are defined in the BEAT plans are provided by the BEAT Team. Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to guide department team members during recovery operations. BEAT plans must be reviewed by department managers and team members at least twice annually in conjunction with the BEAT exercises. Exercise 2 a How many passive verbs? 83

Exercise 2—Passive Voice Support functions that are defined in the BEAT plans are provided by the BEAT Team. The BEAT Team provides BEAT plans that define support functions. Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to guide department team members during recovery operations. The BEAT plans contain logistical checklists to guide department team members during recovery operations. Exercise 2 b Rewrite in active voice 84

Exercise 3: Be Concise Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible individuals involved in pursuit of education are currently the responsibility of the The Division for Rehabilitation Services, and not the responsibility of state colleges and universities, is responsible for vocational rehabilitation services for consumers enrolled in education. Exercise 3 Suggested Answer 85

Exercise 4: Simpler Words Any employee utilizing using air transportation travel, may be authorized by the supervisor prior to the trip to engage a rental vehicle rent a car (with the supervisor’s prior approval) in at the destination city when the expenditure doing so saves money or time. will be less than taxi fare, or empowers enables the traveler to do accomplish agency business more efficiently. Exercise 4 Suggested Answer 86

Exercise 5: Personal Pronouns Edit the following paragraph to use “you” for the applicant. The applicant You will be the primary source of information regarding his or her your circumstances for the purposes of determining eligibility and need. If the counselor needs to secure information from other sources, the counselor will ask the applicant you to authorize the release of information. Exercise 5 Suggested Answer 87

"The Official Style. . . builds its sentences on a form of the verb 'to be' plus strings of prepositional phrases fore and aft; it buries the action of its verbs in nominative constructions with the passive voice; it often separates the natural subject from the natural verb by big chunks of verbal sludge; it cherishes the long windup and the slo-mo opening. " —Richard A. Lanham, Revising Prose 15 (3 d ed. 1992) 88