Module Ten 1 Conflict Conflict A

*Module Ten: 1 Conflict

*Conflict * A disagreement between or among connected individuals * Each person’s position affects the other person * Positions are to some degree interrelated and incompatible 2

*The Nature of Conflict is Natural All relationships experience conflict Can Be Beneficial Conflict is unavoidable but when managed well, has personal and relationship benefits 7

* Content: * centres on objects, events, and persons external to the parties involved - What to watch on TV - How to spend savings - Whom to invite over 4

*Two Kinds of Conflict (continued) Relationship: * concerned with the relationship between individuals -Who is in charge -How equal is the relationship -Who has the right to set rules of behaviour 5

*Junk mail *Spamming *Flaming *Trolling *Online Conflict 6

*Principles of Interpersonal Conflict *Conflict is inevitable—you cannot avoid it. *Interpersonal conflict can occur in computer- mediated communication as well as in face-to-face interaction. *Conflict can have positive as well as negative effects. *Conflict is heavily influenced by gender and culture. *They style of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship. 7

*Increased negative regard for the opponent *Depletion of energy *Isolation from others *Increased costs; decreased rewards *Negative Aspects of 8 Conflict

*Forces examination of a problem *Moves toward potential solutions *Enables individuals to state desires—and get them *Prevents hostilities from festering *Increases understanding and meeting each other’s needs *Says relationship is worth the effort *Positive Aspects of 9 Conflict

*In collectivist cultures conflicts are more likely to centre on violating collective or group norms and values *In individualistic cultures conflicts are more likely to occur when individual norms are violated *Conflicts and Culture 10

*Variables in Conflict Styles Culture Factors to Consider: • Cultural Styles Vary • Individualism/Collectivism • Ethnic Factors • Biological Factors • Self-Concept 23

*Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than women *Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict than women *Women want to get closer to the conflict; want to talk about it, resolve it *Women tend to be more emotional, men more logical *Stereotypes – no real difference *Conflicts and Gender 12

*Variables in Conflict Styles Gender Factors to Consider: • Different “Approaches” to Conflict • Use Different Forms of Aggression • Power vs. Relational Issues • Stereotypes 22

*Competing: *Avoiding: I win, you lose I lose, you lose *Accommodating: *Compromising: *Collaborating: I lose, you win I win and lose, you win and lose I win, you win *Conflict Styles – see fig. 10. 1 pg 238 -9 14

*The Nature of Conflict 8

Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict Style Avoiding (lose–lose) Accommodatin Competing g (win–lose) (lose–win) Compromising (partial lose– lose) Collaborating (win–win) When the issue is of little importance When you discover you are wrong When there is not enough time to seek a win–win outcome To achieve quick, temporary solutions to complex problems When the issue is too important for a compromise When the costs of confrontation outweigh the benefits When the issue is more important to the other person than it is to you When the issue is not important enough to negotiate at length When opponents are strongly committed to mutually exclusive goals When a long-term relationship between you and the other person is important Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8 th ed. New York: Mc. Graw-Hill. 13

(Continued)Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict Accommodating (lose–win) Competing (win–lose) Compromising (partial lose– lose) Collaborating (win–win) To cool down and gain perspective When the longterm cost of winning isn’t worth the shortterm gain When the other person is not willing to cooperate When the issues are moderately important but not enough for a stalemate To merge insights with someone who has a different perspective on the problem As a backup mode when collaboration doesn’t work To develop a relationship by showing commitment to the concerns of both parties To build up credits When you are for convinced that later conflicts your position is right and necessary To let others learn by making their own mistakes To protect yourself against a person who takes advantage of noncompetitive people To come up with creative and unique solutions to problems Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8 th ed. New York: Mc. Graw-Hill. Avoiding (lose–lose) 14

What To Do 1. State ownership of problem 2. Describe conflict in terms of the behavior, consequences, and your feelings about it 3. Avoid letting the other person change the subject 4. Phrase your solution to focus on common ground 5. Think what you will say first; be brief and precise 6. Disengage 18

• Listen to nonverbal and verbal cues • Respond empathically: genuine interest/concern • Paraphrase problem; ask questions to clarify • • Seek common ground Ask the other person to suggest alternatives * 19

* Initiating conflict appropriately * * * Think through what you will say before you confront the other person, so that your request will be brief and precise State ownership of the apparent problem Describe the potential conflict in terms of the behavior you observe, the consequences, and your feelings about it Avoid letting the other person change the subject Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground *

* *Disengage emotionally *Listen to nonverbal cues as well as to the verbal message *Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern

*Paraphrase your understanding of the problem and ask questions to clarify issues *Seek common ground by finding some aspect of the complaint to agree with *Ask the person to suggest alternatives

*Try to fight in private *Be ready to deal with the conflict at hand *Know what you’re fighting about *Fight about problems that can be solved *Before the Conflict 23

*A Model of Conflict Resolution 1. Define the conflict: * * 2. Define both content and relationship issues Use specific terms Empathize Avoid mind reading Examine possible solutions: * * * Look for win–win solutions Weigh the costs and rewards of solutions Seek solutions in which both share the costs and rewards 24

* A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued) 3. * * * 4. * * Test a solution: Test mentally: how does it feel now? How comfortable is it? Test in actual practice: How does it work? Evaluate the solution: Did it resolve the conflict? Is the situation better? Is the solution worth the costs each? Are rewards about even? 25 for

* A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued) 5. Accept or reject the solution: * * If you accept, put it into operation! If you reject, test another solution or redefine the conflict 26

*Learn from the conflict and the process you used in trying to resolve it *Keep the conflict in perspective *Attack your negative feelings *Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviours *After the Conflict 27

*Complete the test on page 246 -7 *Test Yourself 28

*Productive Conflict Management Strategies *Fight actively *Talk *Be supportive *Use face-enhancing strategies *Use empathy *Use an open expression *Present focus *Stay above the belt *Don’t be argumentative 29

*Unproductive Conflict Management Strategies *Avoidance *Force *Defensiveness *Blame *Silencers *Hitting below the belt *Aggressiveness 30

*Inflicts psychological pain *Attacks the other’s self-concept *Disconfirms *Seeks to discredit the other’s view of self *Verbal Aggressiveness 31

*Complete test page 252 -3 -4 *Test Yourself 32

* Argumentativeness: A Quality to be Cultivated – willingness to argue for a point of view on a significant issue *Treat disagreements as objectively as possible *Avoid attacking the other person *Reaffirm the other’s sense of competence *Avoid interrupting *Stress quality and similarities *Express interest in the other person’s position, attitude, and point of view *Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally *Allow the other person to save face 33

*Complete 11. 2 page 258 -9 *Complete 11. 3 page 269 *Email me your answers before next class *Homework 34

*Win-Win Method 1. Identify Your Problem and Unmet Need • The ownership of the problem almost always belongs to the person who raises the problem. Win-win is rarely used. Buy-in to competition, lack of knowledge and the need for cooperation are barriers to using the win-win method.

*Leaving Work on the Best Terms Strategies for Leaving Work on the Best Terms Four Suggestions: • Leave Before You Loose Your Cool • Tell Your Boss First • Don’t Trash the Company • Finish on a Strong Note 30

*Leaving Work on the Best Terms The following You. Tube clip offers a humorous look at what not to do when you decide to leave a job: Best Way to Quit Job 31