Marriage Preparation the Foundation of Marriage Objectives

Marriage Preparation the Foundation of Marriage!

Objectives / Standards: The student will be able to: • Define marital roles and related issues. (household responsibilities, child care, etc. ) • Identify gender bias in marital roles • Define and discuss the benefits of traditional and egalitarian marriages

“When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this man/woman into your old age?

Activity, “Love at First Sight”, • Which jobs from the list look like they are male or female jobs? • What Criteria did you use in your group to decide if the character was a male or a female? • Why do we assume some jobs are male or female? • Are any of the jobs listed definitely male or female?

“Jacobsen Martial Roles Scale” Instructions: Give yourself one point each time your answer matches the response listed by the corresponding number below. Example - on question number 1, if you responded A, give yourself one point. If you responded SD, do not give yourself a point. Total your score and circle your rating at the bottom. 1. S. A, A. 7. S. D. 13. S. D. , U. 2. S. A. , A. 8. S. D. 14. S. D. , U. 3. S. A. , A. 9. S. D. , D. 15. S. D. , U. 4. S. A. , U. 10. S. D. , U. 16. S. A. , A. 5. S. D. , D 11. S. D. , D. 17. S. D. , D. 6. S. D. , D. 12. S. D. , D. 18. S. D. , U. METHOD OF RATING 15 -18 = extremely egalitarian 11 -14 = egalitarian 6 -10 = traditional 1 - 5 = extremely traditional

“Egalitarian and Traditional” • EGALITARIAN: • TRADITIONAL • Being an egalitarian • For many years, roles in couple does not mean marriage were defined as that the couple does “masculine” or “feminine”. everything together or at That division of labor is the same time. The what we will call egalitarian philosophy traditional. In today’s means that the division of society this means that labor is equal but is not the division of labor is most often NOT equal. necessarily traditional.

Couple “O” • Susan and Mike had been married for nearly 45 years. They were proud to have been married that long. They never really talked about who did what; that was just understood. Susan did all the cooking and cleaning, unless they were in the canyon, and then Mike took over. He made a delicious stew and Dutch oven cooking had become his specialty. The children loved their dad's Dutch oven potatoes. The children had been mostly Susan's responsibility. Mike had not done much with babies except beam when he announced, "Wow, we have got us another son. Think we will name this one after my brother, Jason. " It was not until Jason Jr. turned about six that Mike's fathering really began. Now Jason Jr. could play all those games that Mike had always dreamed of playing with his son. They would play catch and wrestle on the lawn. Mike took care of the cars and all the bills. In fact, Susan had never put gas in the car or paid one bill in all those years. Mike always bought her flowers on Mother's Day and Susan always made fresh apple pie on Father's Day.

Discussion of Case Study: • How do you think this couples would rank on the Jacobson Marital Roles Scale?

Couple “ 18” • Ryan and Monica have been married seven years and have three children. Jamie is five, Kevin is three, and Amy is one and a half years-old. Monica is an accountant and Ryan is an advertising agent. At the end of a long day there is no therapy like kids to take your mind off your work. Ryan and Monica decided before they got married that they would both work. They always knew they wanted children but they were not quite prepared for the changes three little ones brought into their lives. Monica had to reserve all of her sick leave to use when Amy was born in case her short maternity leave was not enough. This meant that Ryan was usually the one to stay home when Jamie or Kevin got sick. However, he really did not mind —he enjoyed his kids and spent lots of time with them. Ryan spent most evenings giving baths to the children and straightening the house. Every other night was his night to fix dinner and he often included Jamie in the planning and preparation to give Monica more time with the two little ones. Monica often joked about how good he was at doing the laundry or changing the baby's diaper. "I sure married a wonderful wife, " she teased.

Discussion of Case Studies: • How do you think these two couples would rank on the Jacobson Marital Roles Scale? 1. Couple O Extremely Traditional 2. Couple 18 Extremely Egalitarian • Do you think these couples could have happy marriages? • Do you see any advantages or disadvantages in these two marriages?

Is the Division of Roles More Equal Today? • At the University of California, Berkley, a study found that the women in senior class had clearcut expectations for the future. • 80% thought a career was very important • 97% expected to be marry • Most expected to interrupt their careers for a few years to have children • What they did not seem to have thought out or discussed with boyfriends was how they would divide the work at home.

What men think on this subject • 13% male seniors expected to be the one who would miss an important meeting at work for a sick child. • Only, 38% expected to share laundry work equally, while 38% expected to share cooking. • Twice as many women senior expected the man they married to share responsibilities.

Another study done by Berkeley studied 50 couples in their late 20’s and early 30’s. There finds included: • Husbands did 1/3 of the household chores, working wives did 2/3 of all the daily jobs. • Men have more control over when they make their contributions. (example, women make dinner, men change the oil; dinner needs to be made every night, where as the oil only needs to be changed every 6 months).

Discussion Questions • Do you think roles and responsibilities are divided equally in today’s marriages? • Do you think a wife should be able to work if she wants to? • What might happen in a marriage between an extremely egalitarian female and an extremely traditional male? • What happens to family roles when a traditional wife begins to work full-time?

Discussion Questions • What might happen in a marriage where the opposite is true? • What marital roles do you see in the marriage of your family and friends? • Do you think they see their marriage in the same way you do or do they sometimes have a distorted view?

History of Women’s Roles v 1700 -1800 v Men: Income, Farming, Craftsmen Support and defend family, Strong Independent Self Reliant v Women: Have and Care for children and husband Running a Household under supervision of husband v Children: Male: Farm and Provide, School and Careers Female: Household chores. Minimal Education 1837 Higher ed Available to girls limited basis

1800 -1900 v Men: New Careers, Westward Movement, Breadwinners, Assertive, aggressive domineering Government v Women: Homemaker, More physical and emotional strength, courage, adventure. Work together to develop west. First time to acknowledge equal rights Some working women in factories, sewing etc. v Children: Learn roles from parents, help with expansion

1900 -1930 v v v Men work outside the home in businesses and trades etc. Women vote. Slowly move into work force, Nursing, Teaching, Secretarial Children: from parents Learn Roles

Great Depression 1930’s • More men did work at home, slowly because of unemployment • Women: Survival on limited income • Children: Learn roles from Parents

1940’s • WW II • More Men in Military • More Women in outside work, run the country, Many stayed in jobs after war • Children: Some more independent as mothers away at work.

1960 -1970 -s 1960 -s Feminist Movement 1963 Equal Pay act More women work outside of the house, Medicine and Politics, Allowed to join armed services.

1980 -Today • 1980 ERA Not Passed • More professional women • Pre School, Child Care, Nanny, Job Sharing Etc § Some more men “House husbands” § Highest growth of working women is with young children

• Angela and Justin had been married for two years. They both worked full-time and owned their home. They had settled into a regular routine each night. Justin loved to cook and Angela was grateful because she was never really very good at it. Each night Justin would fix dinner while Angela started a batch of wash and then went outside to work in the yard. The out-of-doors was her haven. Pulling weeds, watering, edging and mowing the lawn, and picking fruit from their trees were things she really enjoyed. After supper Justin cleaned up the kitchen while Angela vacuumed and straightened the house. Then they both folded laundry while watching a favorite TV show.

-Is this marriage egalitarian or traditional? -How do you think this couple decided who would do the different jobs? -How do you feel about dividing roles in this manner rather than in the traditional masculine/feminine manner? -Is there anything wrong with dividing roles this way? -Do you think Justin and Angela had to compromise and do jobs they did not like? -Do you know young couples today who have a very traditional marriage role division? -Do you think egalitarian or traditional marriages are stronger? -Which do you think will last the longer?

The Good Wife’s Guide

“Roles in a Relationship” • What does your future mate feel about roles? • Why is it important to know before marriage?

Summary: • The discussion of Gender roles has been a hot controversial topic for many years in society as well as religion and is an important one for you and your spouse to work through before you get married.