- Количество слайдов: 33
Choosing a partner How many of you are planning on getting married?
Why do people want to get married? l 90% of you will get married l 30% of college dating relationships turn into marriages within 5 years of their beginning
Some “wrong” reasons for getting married l l l Social Legitimacy-Getting married to legitimate an “out of wedlock” pregnancy. Social Pressure-sometimes parents pressure their children that haven’t married, especially if they are pregnant. Economic Security-some marry others for their money-typically these marriages don’t last. Rebellion or Revenge-Young people sometimes do this to their parents. Practical Solutions to problems-these types of relationships tend not to last either.
Marriage gradient l Tendency of women to marry ‘up’ with regard to age, $, education, SES, even height l Hypergamy vs. hypogamy l Ex: movie: The Notebook
Homogamy vs. Heterogamy l Homogamy: like you! l Choosing a partner that’s Same religion, similar SES, age, religion, race l Heterogamy: Interfaith, interracial, interclass relationships
Homogamy vs. heterogamy l Homogamy and Relationship quality: Differences in values and interests can result in a lack of mutual understanding. l Why? Why not? l Any exceptions from your own lives? l
Marriage as an institution l Public vs. private institution
Marriage as a PUBLIC institution l Macro l influences on marriage? Law at the state and federal level Each state stipulates the age of marriage, health requirements, length of the waiting period required before marriage, and rules concerning inheritance and the division of property l Polygamy, same-sex marriages etc. l Media l Societal expectations l
Marriage and the Law: Same sex marriages l Netherlands (2001) is the first country to allow same-sex partners to marry l Belgium(2003), Spain (2005), Canada (2005), South Africa (2006), Norway (2009), Sweden (2009), Portugal (2010), Iceland (2010), Argentina (2010).
Same sex marriage in the US l Same sex marriages are granted in MA (2003), CT (2008), IA (2009), VT (2009), NH (2010), NY (2011) l CA (granted from June 2008 until November 2008)
Same sex couples l Civil unions and domestic partnerships: Get almost all of the legal rights, but still lacks the symbolism of marriage. l Important: Whether a domestic partnership or civil union, unlike marriage, the rights and benefits are only valid within that state.
Same sex couples l “Defense of Marriage Act”(DOMA) -passed on September 21, 1996 No state need treat a relationship between persons of the same sex as a marriage, even if the relationship is considered a marriage in another state. l The Federal Government may not treat same-sex relationships as marriages for any purpose, even if concluded or recognized by one of the states l
Big and controversial debate: l Heterosexual l l Traditional morality Judeo-Christian historical roots Provides optimum family environment for children “they will want more” (i. e. polygamy etc. ) Unnecessary b/c they can be ‘partners’ l Same-sex l l l "equal marriage“ Discriminates against a category of citizens “second class citizens” Deprives one of economic and practical advantages (tax, health insurance)
Meaning of marriage l Meaning l of marriage has changed Institutional marriage vs. companionship (1920 -1960) vs. individualized marriage (contemporary) l http: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=h_y 9 F 5 St 4 j 0
Marriage as a PRIVATE institution l The marriage premise (3) l Expectation of permanence ‘ 2 gether 4 ever’ Sexual exclusivity l Partners promise to have sexual relations only with each other l Historically the wedding band represents sexual exclusivity l Commitment l
Challenges to sexual exclusivity Swinging: 3 million US couples l Polyamory: outside relationships can be emotional and sexual l Polygamy/polyandry l l Illegal since 1878 l Polyandry – very rare
Marriage is a Commitment l Dedication Commitment l Constraint Commitment l “I’ve put so much energy and time into this relationship and now, even though I’m unhappy, I can’t just walk away”
Some Common Constraints l l l l Social Pressure from friends and family; particularly if children are involved Financial Concerns Desire to keep kids connected with both parents Hassles involved in breaking up: buy another car, sell house, etc. Moral factors: belief that divorce is wrong or parents need to be raised by both parents Personal desire to not “fail” in a relationship Feeling jealous that the partner may find someone else to love Feeling it will be difficult to find a new partner
Is marriage good for us? l People who are married are less likely to suffer from coronary diseases, many kinds of cancer, have lower mortality, automobile accidents, and suicide l Lower levels of depression, anxiety, mood disorders, adjustment problems l Less alcoholism and drinking problems
Why? l The social support hypothesis: Long term contract which provides the couple with social support l Sharing of economic and social resources l Marriage connects people to others, other social institutions etc. l
Why? l The behavior regulation hypothesis: Monitor each other’s behaviors l Discouraging risky behaviors l Encouraging healthy behaviors l
BUT…. l Not all marriages are good
His vs. Her Marriage l Men receive greater health benefits than women l Men receive more social support in commitment and caring l Women make more adjustment and sacrifice l Greater role strain for women
2 Types of Marriages based on life style and distribution of power Traditional vs. Egalitarian
Traditional marriage l Male dominance l Clear gender roles l Responsibility of family is held by women l Power is more likely to be an issue l Less likely to engage in open communication
Egalitarian/Peer marriages l Both spouses are involved l More intimate through equality l Better health outcomes for women
5 types of marriages based on marital satisfaction l Conflict habituated marriages Not readily observable conflict but… l Always present in various forms such as nagging, quarreling, sarcasm l l Devitalized l marriages Once in love but drifted apart over the years, stay together out of duty
5 types of enduring marriages l Passive l congenial marriages Love is not expected but marriage provides stability l Vital marriages Share true intimacy l Central satisfaction with one another l l Total l marriages Similar to vital marriages, more multifaceted, completely absorbed in one another’s life activities
Affairs: Why do people cheat? l Gender: Men are more likely to cheat l Age: Younger people are more likely to cheat l Personality traits: Narcissism and low level of conscientiousness l Length of marriage: The longer the duration of marriage, the less likely l Opportunity: traveling for work etc.
Affairs l According to Masters & Johnson and Kolodny: l Short term l Situational, conquest (men) , revenge/anger (women), male bisexual l Long term (4 types) l Hedonistic-indulgence l Marriage maintenance l Intimacy reduction l Reactive affairs