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Jerry and Judy’s 2008 “Top Ten Things We Didn’t Buy You This Year” Holiday Greetings to past and new recipients of our sometimes annual list of things that we’re confident you’ll be glad you didn’t receive from us this year. It has become both easier and harder to do the Top 10 selections since the last edition, thanks to our increasingly sophisticated (though still relatively primitive) mastery of the World Wide Web. In fact, there’s so much really, really stupid stuff available online that the primary challenge is to distinguish the items truly deserving not to be bought from those that are merely tacky or only mildly stupid. One minor hazard of publishing this list is that it occasionally includes items that some recipients actually like and sometimes (gasp!) even own. We would like to apologize in advance if that happens to be the case for you. (But these are all really, really stupid, and if you have any of them, perhaps you should rethink your entire life!) As those of your who have previously received the Top 10 are aware, we welcome (beg for) submissions of candidate items for the list. For her excellent submissions to the 2008 list, we gratefully recognize Judy’s sister— Andrea Davis We feel miraculously fortunate to have so many wonderful family, chosen kin, friends, and neighbors. We hope your new year is filled with love and joy.
10. Starting out on a lofty note, what could be better than some good, old-fashioned potty humor? In spite of how classy this desktop organizer is, and how proud you would no doubt be to have it on your desk, we didn’t buy it for you. (Submitted by Andrea Davis)
9. Dopey Dog Stuff As you know, we love Basil and Luna (our and Ben and Laura’s wonderful Australian Shepherds), but we still didn’t shell out for these lovely dog clogs or even for the very tasteful “I kiss my dog on the lips” bracelet, which we’re sure at least one of you (you know who you are) would probably love.
8. Paper Towel Thingy. Surely anyone would love to be spared the incredible drudgery of having to wrestle a paper towel off the roll, so we apologize for not having bought this for you. Maybe next year. (It’s the sort of product that will almost certainly be for sale again next Christmas. ) 7. Dale – This one is for you. It should help you get ready for your next game. Should we have it shipped to Seattle or Kauai?
6. We didn’t buy this fine gift, even though we totally believe that it really does offer a way to get rich on slot machines and even though it’s based on SCIENCE !! 5. This item simply leaves us speechless.
4. We didn’t buy you this remarkable product because we didn’t want you to look like a total Doofus on your next long flight. 3. We really should have given one of these to the children on our list to encourage Freudian frugality.
2. We love our dogs, but we didn’t buy you this dopey dog item – a wildly humping dog – even though it’s one of the funnier things we’ve ever seen on the web. . .
AND …… THE NUMBER 1 THING WE DID NOT BUY FOR YOU FOR CHRISTMAS 2008 … Well, we thought we would be serious for a change and celebrate Barak Obama’s election to the Presidency with a series of flattering photos, accompanied by descriptions of our deep admiration for him and our delight and gratitude that he will soon be our President. However, we discovered that there is an absolute treasure trove of seriously tacky and terribly stupid Obama stuff… So. . . the # 1 Thing We Did Not Buy You for Christmas 2008 is …
STUPID OBAMA STUFF! Life-size cutout But despite being deprived of these gifts, we hope you have a happy 2009 – Judy & Jerry