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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain ers nag Jell tee g g sin nailin e" i Ra e " ik tre s l to a i -O tee "Mot nag her ani ers k s of ma ls e now w you at th hy ng“ eir "A teenager is always to o tired to hold a dishcloth , but never too tired to hold a phone. "
The teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but emotionally, socially and intellectually. It's understandable that it is a time of confusion and upheaval for many families
The goal of parenting teens is to successfully launch them into adulthood
Typical Characteristics Of Teenagers* • Emotional • Physical • Social • Intellectual * Compiled by Bob Stahn. www. wellspringcounselingllc. com
• Awkward • Experimenting • Energetic • Hormone Driven • Out of control • Mobile / free • Rarely likes own appearance • Gawky (as is anything in its adolescence) • In transition from child to adult • Growing (out of clothes) • Often hungry or eating • Adult body but not maturity * Compiled by Bob Stahn. www. wellspringcounselingllc. com
• Near sighted • Invincible, risk taker • Self conscious • Doesn’t know self • Defensive often • Curious • Moody, chaotic internally • Awkward • In transition from child to adult • Confused/confusing • New and wonderful experiences • Sensitive about self • Insensitive about others • Volatile • Know-it-all • Disconnected with others • Experimenting • Enmeshed with peers • Unstable • Dependent • Independent (second toddlerhood) • Narrow minded • Does not know self • Inadequate • Insecure
• Peer oriented/pressure • Self conscious • In transition • Unskilled/Awkward • Manipulative • Without a niche • Liberated from “kid” status • “Pairing up” interests • Acceptance-focused behavior • Individual identity • Being seen/recognized (on stage) • Mobility • Freedom • Experimental • Insensitive about others • Sensitive about self • Clothes status • Manipulative • Alone/misfit • Want distance from parents * Compiled by Bob Stahn. www. wellspringcounselingllc. com
• Black and white thinking • Abstract thinking • Idealistic thinking • Here-and-now thinking only (no future) • Pseudo-stupidity (due to little experience) • Experimentation with boundaries • Experimentation with values • Question “Who am I? ” • Question “Am I normal? ” • Question “Who and what should I believe” * Compiled by Bob Stahn. www. wellspringcounselingllc. com
The Influence of Society on Teens
The world revolves around you!
You Need Stuff!
You Must Be Constantly Entertained!
The Virtual World is a Great Place to Live!
You Must Stay Connected
Online Usage: 12 – 17 yo • 95% regularly use the internet • 69% have own their computer • 37% have smart phones • 24% use game console to get online (Pew Research 2012)
Social Media Sites • 73% of teens have a social media profile • Avg. teen has 201 FB friends • 18% of teens create private email or social network profile
Cell Phones • 78% of teens have a cell phone • The avg. teen sends 60 texts/day • 40% of teens plan to buy an iphone in the next 6 months
The typical teen logs more than seven hours a day and more than 50 hours a week in front of a TV, computer, or cell phone screen (Kaiser Family Foundation 2012)
Today’s teens are the most connected generation in history.
That connectedness will influence their development.
Make Your Voice Heard !
The goal of parenting teens is to successfully launch them into adulthood
Be a Tugboat
Tugboats are: • tenacious • powerful • influential
The function of the tugboat is to guide ships
• Assist ships leaving & entering the harbor • Move ships to a desired direction • Tow ships who cannot move under their own power
Top 5 Tug Boat Tips
Set clear boundaries and discuss consequences
Learn to let go
Expect the best
Listen more….
Be observant and involved
“If we treat people as who they can become, they will be inspired to rise to the level of our expectations. ” ~ John Maxwell