Expressing politeness in English 1 Being polite

Expressing politeness in English

1. Being polite: directness and indirectness. 2. Apologies. Thanking people and replying to thanks. 3. Expressing requests. 4. Accepting and refusing invitations. 5. Expressing suggestions and offers. 6. Compliments and criticising. 7. Getting information. 8. Drawing people’s attention. Interruption. 9. Agreeing and disagreeing.

Being polite: directness and indirectness Here are the common softening words. Maybe and perhaps Maybe we should ask Liz for her opinion. Perhaps you ought to talk to John about it. Could you perhaps say a few words about your new project? It’s a beautiful pink, but it is perhaps a little bright for my taste. Possibly Could you possibly write the report by tomorrow? The food is wonderful but it’s possibly a little bit expensive. Do you think I could possibly borrow your bike?

Wonder We were wondering whether you’d like to come to dinner next week. I wonder if we should go by train. We were wondering if you could help us. I wonder whether these figures are quite right. Is that true, I wonder? Quite That’s not quite what I said, you know. I am not quite sure I agree with you there. That doesn’t seem quite right to me. The examples of indirect criticisms: I am afraid your last essay wasn’t quite up to standard.

Politeness in requests When you are asking someone to do something for you can often show that you want to be polite by saying things in indirect way. I was wondering if you could possibly help me lift this box. The more indirect expression you use the more polite you will seem. If you are too direct you may be considered rude unless you are the speaker in authority. Put your plate in the kitchen when you’ve finished eating. (Father to child) Could you possibly explain this point again? (Student to Professor) Do you think you could possibly stay late to type these letters? (employer to employee) Could you buy some more milk on the way home from work (Friend to friend) Could you spare a moment. We were wondering whether you would be able to advise us on a small problem.

Apologies

It’s also possible to make the apology stronger. I am really (awfully, terribly) sorry When apologizing for something which the hearer does not yet know about or may not remember, the speaker needs to explain what has happened, or remind the hearer of the situation. I really must apologize for my behavior last night. I am afraid I was in rather a bad mood. I feel dreadful about what I said on the phone. I didn’t really mean it, you know. I’ve got something awful to tell you. I lost that book you lent me. I’ll buy you another. Formal apologies, especially in written form, are often marked by the use of the word apology or apologize: Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconvenience caused by the delay in delivery of your order.

Helen: Tim, have you got a minute? Tim: Well, it's not like I've got a ton of things to do, is it? Helen: No, no, it's not. Tim, I want to apologise for the way I spoke to you the other day. Tim: Oh yeah? Helen: Yeah. I was well out of order. I've been having a hard time lately but that's no excuse. I'm sorry.

When thanking someone for something which has already happened, the speaker needs to remind the hearer of the situation: Thank you for all that hard work last week. I don’t think we could have managed without you. My mother was thrilled to get those flowers on her birthday. Thank a lot – it was really thoughtful of you. It was very good of you to give Jerry a lift from school yesterday. Thank you. We’re really grateful for all your help while Arthur was ill. Thank you very much. Written and formal expressions of thanks often refer directly to the action of thanking. I am writing to say how grateful we are… Please, accept our thanks (fml) We would like to express our gratitude for your cooperation. (fml) We would like to thank you for your contribution… (fml)

Expressing requests

Invitations

Suggestions

Compliments In some languages it is polite to respond to a compliment by refusing to accept it, and by saying something bad about yourself or the thing which has been complimented. In English it is considered impolite to reject a compliment too strongly. Praise can be given in a direct way because it is acceptable to the hearer. The hearer usually responds by thanking and then adding a comment. Well done! That was great! Thank you I love that dress. Is it new? Thank you. No, it’s quite old, but I always liked it. You’re a great cook. Well, I don’t know about that but I enjoy cooking. You’ve made a lot of progress this year. I’m very pleased with your performance. Thank you. That was a wonderful meal. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Criticisms can be short and direct or they can be longer and more indirect. Indirect criticisms are often used in order to be polite. These expressions usually avoid very strong words like bad, failure, dreadful and often use negative forms such as not quite right, not very good. They also use other ways of softening of what is being said.

Addressing people and getting information Usually, if you want to attract the attention of a stranger it is necessary to use phrases such as Excuse me. Can you tell me how to get to Oxford street? Say! (Am. E) Is it far to the subway from here? In British English Sir and Madam are too formal in most situations. In American English Sir and Ma’am are not as formal and are commonly used in conversations with strangers, especially with older people whose names you do not know. Excuse me, Sir. Could you tell me the way to the nearest subway?

Getting someone’s attention. Interruption.

Expressing opinions. Agreeing and disagreeing.

It is very common in English to begin with a short expression of agreement, and then give a different opinion. Yes, perhaps (maybe/possibly), but don’t you think … Yes, that’s true, but I am not sure that … Yes, You could be right but don’t forget … If you disagree strongly with someone you can say: I’m afraid I totally disagree (with you) When we want to disagree but not completely, we can use these phrases: Yes, I partly agree (with you), but … I agree to some extent /certain extent, but …