Chapter Four Writing With Style Twenty-eight slides See

Chapter Four Writing With Style (Twenty-eight slides) See also Style and Form: Effective Professional Writing (logon = open password = sesame) ENGL 316

Writing with style: Individual elements • • Write clearly. Prefer short, simple words. Write with vigor. Write concisely. Prefer positive language. Use a variety of sentence types. Use active and passive voice appropriately. 2

Avoid dangling expressions. Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. Can you see the problem and its easiest solution? Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope while traveling to Gettysburg. Here’s another example: “Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors. ” could be edited like this: “Dr. Ruth to talk with newspaper editors about sex. ” Now try some yourself: I had been driving for about 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday. ENGL 316 3

Prefer short, simple words. “Big men use little words, and little men use big words. — Winston Churchill ENGL 316 4

Prefer these: Short, simple words: Not: I have ascertained that our plant has commenced fabricating the indispensable circuits. But: I have learned that our plant has started making the needed circuits. ENGL 316 5

Prefer these: Specific language: Not: You were very late several times last year. But: You arrived for work at least 20 minutes late on the following dates last year. . . ENGL 316 6

Avoid these: Clichés: Not: As per your request, every effort will be made to fix the problem. But: As you requested, we will try to fix the problem. ENGL 316 7

Avoid these: Redundancies: Not: Hiram referred back to our earlier decision not to repeat that mistake again. But: Hiram referred to our earlier decision not to repeat that mistake. ENGL 316 8

Avoid these: Wordy expressions: Not: Let me know as to whether or not we can start drilling in view of the fact that the problem has not been fixed at the present time. But: Let me know whether we can start drilling since the problem has not yet been fixed. ENGL 316 9

Avoid these: Hidden verbs: Not: We held a meeting to make the arrangements for her visit. But: We met to arrange her visit. ENGL 316 10

Avoid these: Hidden subjects: Not: There is nothing we can do about the deadline. But: We can do nothing about the deadline. ENGL 316 11

Prefer these: Positive language: Not: We cannot replace your laser printer. But: We will be happy to repair your laser printer at no charge. ENGL 316 12

Types of sentences Simple: John listened. John and Lisa listened to the vice president’s presentation on cost-cutting methods and decided to try her suggestions some time during the upcoming quarter. ENGL 316 13

Types of sentences Compound: I spoke and Ellie took notes. Our customers asked for faster service, and we started same-day shipments. Our customers asked for faster service; therefore, we started same-day shipments. ENGL 316 14

Types of sentences Complex: When our customers asked for faster service, we started same-day shipments. We started same-day shipments when our customers asked for faster service. ENGL 316 15

Types of sentences Compound-Complex: After taking a vote, we called the candidates back into the room, and the chairperson announced the results. If you want, I’ll go; and if I do, I’ll ask her then. ENGL 316 16

Active vs. passive voice Active: Jose interviewed the candidates. Passive: The candidates were interviewed by Jose. ENGL 316 17

Active vs. passive voice Use active voice for most business writing. Marie evaluated the proposal and will make her decision tomorrow. ENGL 316 18

Active vs. passive voice Use passive voice to soften bad news or to indicate that the doer of the action is unimportant. The tuition-reimbursement plan will be discontinued on July 1. Lunch will be served in the Adams Room. ENGL 316 19

Key terms ¨ active voice ¨expletive ¨ buzz word ¨mechanics ¨ cliché ¨passive voice ¨ complex sentence ¨redundancy ¨ compound-complex ¨simple sentence ¨style ¨ compound sentence ¨ dangling expression ENGL 316 20

Short and simple words The consultant explained how to increase our total pay by changing our use of credit for paying for services. She also tried to learn how similar we were to other firms for which she had consulted. She thinks it’s necessary for us to increase our cash flow in order to improve corporate health. ENGL 316 21

Sentence types • Simple: Tim was given a promotion and assigned additional responsibilities. • Compound: Tim was given a promotion; as a result, he was assigned additional responsibilities. • Complex: Because Tim was assigned additional responsibilities, he was given a promotion. ENGL 316 22

Lab Test: Before doing peer review, check your proofreading skills 1. South (COMPASS POINT) From the northeastern states to the south, lighting is a 2. major component of educational cost that often is taken for 3. granted, except when it comes to energy bills. Lighting upgrades 40 (MEASUREMENT) 4. can result in an average return on investment of forty percent. Two (FIRST WORD IN SENTENCE) 5. 2 years is the average payback period. ENGL 316 23

Department (COMMON NOUN) 6. According to the Dept. of Energy, lighting in institutional facilities (SPELLING) 7. facilitys can consume up to one-third of a building's total energy replacement (SPELLING) 8. cost. A common upgrade is the replacment of old lamps and magnetic 9. ballasts with new lamps and electronic ballasts. According to D. J. CPA (NO PERIODS) vice president of business affairs (TITLE AFTER NAME) 10. Hill, C. P. A. and Vice President of Business Affairs at Nordonia Note that the title after a name is lower case, while before the name it is capitalized. Abbreviations are capitalized, of course: Bonnie Duncan, Ph. D. But either President Duncan or Bonnie Duncan, president of Urban Systems. ENGL 316 24

High School (PROPER NOUN) Ohio (SPELL OUT) When (FIRST WORD OF SENTENCE) 11. high school in Macedonia, Oh. , “when we made the upgrade, we 12. immediately realized a savings of $30, 000 a year in energy costs, school system’s (COMMON NOUN) 13. which we then put directly into the classroom. ” The School System’s Table 3 on page 45 (NOUN PLUS NUMBER) 14. energy-savings program are detailed in table 3 on Page 45 of the 10 (MONTH PRECEDES DAY) The Business of Education magazine (TITLES) 15. May 10 th issue of the Business Of Education Magazine. ENGL 316 25

16. Community College (PROPER NOUN) El Paso community college installed more than 11, 700 electronic three (BELOW TEN) campuses (SPELLING) 17. ballasts on 3 campusses as replacements for existing magnetic 18. ballasts. The project payback of the $234, 000 cost is calculated to 2 1/2 (or 2 ½ ) (MIXED NUMBER) That is… (METADISCOURSE) 19. be less than two and one-half years. I think that is excessive. ENGL 316 26

20. The cost-savings aspect of occupancy sensors was demonstrated Community College (PROPER NOUN) 21. by Des Moines Area community college, which turned on its new p. m. (MEASUREMENT) a. m. (MEASUREMENT) 22. sensors at 7 am and turned them off at 11 pm. The upgrade cost the materials (SPELLING) 23. college $23, 800 in materiels and labor and resulted in an energy 24. savings of $11, 500 per year. ENGL 316 27

Review Chapter 4 THE END ENGL 316 28