BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR by Don L F

BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR by Don L. F. Nilsen and Alleen Pace Nilsen 1

Coincidental Accidental Humor Same Time—Same Place: 2

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YOGI BERRA • Yogi Berra was the catcher for the New York Yankees baseball team. He said: • “I want to win 100 or 105 games this year— whichever comes first. ” • “It’s déjà vu all over again. ” • “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. ” • Yogi Berra was the inspiration for the cartoon character on television named “Yogi Bear. ” 4

Oooooooops! 5

ARCHIE BUNKER • In All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s mistakes showed that he was a xenophobic biggot: • Milton Berlin, Morgan David wine, Blackberry Finn, pushy imported ricans, and a regular Marco Polish showed he was racist. • Englebum Humperdunk and welfare incipients showed he was uneducated. • The immaculate connection, Dunn and Broadstreet, and groinocologist showed he was sexist. 6

CHILDREN’S BLOOPERS • Children are often faced with language that they are unfamiliar with. • That’s why children may change “chess” into “chest. ” • Or they may change the church hymn “Gladly the Cross I’d Bear” into “Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear. ” 7

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• From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English: • “Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen…. ’ When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah. ” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo. ” 9

• Also From Richard Lederer’s Anguished English: • “It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Frances Drake circumsised the world with a 100 -foot clipper. ” 10

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CHILDREN’S EXCUSES FOR ABSENCE • Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins. • Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault. • Teacher, please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 12

SIGMUND FREUD • Sigmund Freud said that slips of the tongue often are evidence of people’s subconscious desires, as when the President of the Lower House of Parliament opened a meeting by saying: • “Gentlemen, I take notice that a full quorum of members is present and herewith declare the meeting closed. ” 13

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SAMUEL GOLDWIN • Samuel Goldwin of Metro Goldwin Meyer said: • A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. • Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William. • For your information, I would like to ask a question. • Now, gentlemen, listen slowly. 15

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INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH • Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: • “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. ” • Sign in an Acapulco hotel: • “The manager has personally passed all the water served here. ” 17

• Sign in a Japanese hotel: • “Cold and Heat. If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself. ” • Sign in a Hong Kong tailor shop: • “Ladies may have a fit upstairs. ” 18

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NEWSPAPER STORIES • The United Press International reported a story from Sheridan, California: • “A farm goose flying along suddenly exploded in mid-air. The sheriff’s deputy explained that the goose must have swallowed a blasting cap, which was somehow set off. ” 20

• An unoccupied car, parked near the Horseshoe Falls, turned its lights on. • • • then the lenses shattered, the horn began to blow, the engine started, the car burst into flames, and the windshield exploded. • Firemen blamed the car’s activity on a short circuit. 21

• The Salt Lake Tribune: • “The Salt Lake City Track Club’s All-Women’s 10, 000 -meter race is scheduled Saturday at 8 a. m. at Sugarhouse Park. The entry fee is $4 with shirt or $1 without. ” 22

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINES • Dr. Ruth Talks about Sex with Newspaper Editors • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge • Defendant’s Speech Ends in Long Sentence • Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years 24

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PUBLIC SIGNS • Sign on a ski slope in Northern Arizona: • “Out of control skiers yield right-of-way. ” • Sign on a West Coast bridge during World War II: • “In case of bombing attack, drive directly off the bridge. ” 26

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WILLIAM A. SPOONER • British clergyman William A. Spooner was a professor at Oxford University who is reported to have said: • “Three cheers for our queer old dean” (referring to Queen Victoria) • “Is it kistomary to cuss the bride? ” • “Stop hissing all my mystery lectures. ” 28

CASEY STENGEL • Casey Stengel, the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team, said: • “I guess I’ll have to start from scraps. ” • “Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height. ” 29

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TELEVISION BLOOPERS • On The World’s Funniest Videos you will find such things as: • a baseball player who loses his pants when he catches a fly ball, • a bridegroom in a wedding ceremony who sprays his mouth before kissing the bride • a child who searches for Easter Eggs in the baskets of other children 31

It matters where they place the price tags. 32

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Accidental Humor Web Site: KETCHUP CAR CRASH: http: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=YQQD 9 b. Pr. UPU MONDEGREENS: http: //www. thelisttv. com/the-list/whats-trending/common-christmas-carolfails 37

Nuns at a Fruit Bar 38