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Tasha Moreno, B. A. Annie Mueller, B. A. University Counseling Center University of Colorado Tasha Moreno, B. A. Annie Mueller, B. A. University Counseling Center University of Colorado at Colorado Springs April 6, 2009 Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

Objectives n Define sexual assault and domestic violence n Discuss rape myths and giving Objectives n Define sexual assault and domestic violence n Discuss rape myths and giving consent n Discuss cycle of violence n Discuss same-sex inter-partner violence n Discuss how to create a safety plan n Provide resources (national, regional, local) for domestic abuse

Sexual Assault n Some Facts: n A woman is raped every 90 seconds, or Sexual Assault n Some Facts: n A woman is raped every 90 seconds, or 900 per day (National Crime Victimization Study, 1994) n In 2003, one in ten victims of sexual assault were male (National Crime Victimization Study, 2003) n Sexual assault is the most rapidly growing violent crime in America (Dupre, et al. , Obstetrics & Gynecological Survey, 1993) n 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18 (National Crime Victimization Study, 1999) n Responses collected from the National Women's Study show 84% of rape victims never reported the crime at all

Kathi’s Testimonial n A true story n Warshaw, Robin (1988) “I Never Called it Kathi’s Testimonial n A true story n Warshaw, Robin (1988) “I Never Called it Rape. ” New Yorker: Harper and Row n Fact: n 1 in 3 women who are sexually assaulted contemplate suicide, and 17% actually attempt suicide (National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Colorado Facts n 1 in 4 women in Colorado have been victims of one Colorado Facts n 1 in 4 women in Colorado have been victims of one or more forcible, completed rapes n 1 in 20 Colorado men have experienced a completed or attempted sexual assault n (CDPHE Injury in Colorado Report 2005)

Continuum of Violence n What is a healthy relationship? n Balance of knowing self Continuum of Violence n What is a healthy relationship? n Balance of knowing self and understanding others n Love n Trust n Communication n Respect (Self and Other) n Other side of the continuum n Flirting → Sexual Harassment → Sexual Assault → Murder

Historical Context n 3000 B. C. n Female slaves n 735 B. C. n Historical Context n 3000 B. C. n Female slaves n 735 B. C. n Women are possessions n 1200 A. D. n Wife beating n 1767 n “Rule-of-thumb” n 1928 until the end of WW II n Military Sexual Slavery n 1954 -1975 n Vietnam murders n 1980 n FBI estimates of rape n 1990 n Shelters for battered women vs. animals n July 5, 1993 n Marital rape becomes a crime n 2004 n Darfur n May 2006 n Human Trafficking Illegal (22 states)

What is Sexual Harassment/Assault? n Sexual Harassment: any unwanted sexual attention n Flirting vs. What is Sexual Harassment/Assault? n Sexual Harassment: any unwanted sexual attention n Flirting vs. Harassment n Sexual Assault: unwanted sexual activity without the consent or against the will of another person n Key word: WITHOUT CONSENT

What is Consent? n Give approval and to agree by free will n Based What is Consent? n Give approval and to agree by free will n Based on choice n Active, not passive n Possible only when there is equal power n Both parties must be equally free to act n Colorado Law requires that consent for sex be ACTIVELY given!

Abuse of Power Feelings Freedom to Act Touch Flirting Good Yes Welcome Inappropriate Behavior Abuse of Power Feelings Freedom to Act Touch Flirting Good Yes Welcome Inappropriate Behavior Confused Maybe Unwelcome Sexual Harassment Bad Limited Threatening Sexual Assault Afraid None Forced • Primary motive of rape is power. • Receiver defines unwelcome vs. welcome attention at the risk of the giver.

Car Keys Example Car Keys Example

Rape Myths Facts n Rape occurs by strangers only n 4/5 women were raped Rape Myths Facts n Rape occurs by strangers only n 4/5 women were raped by someone they knew n Women who are raped were asking for trouble n If he bought dinner she “owes” him sex n If a woman doesn’t fight back, it isn’t rape n If it really was rape, then the victim will report it immediately n Rape only happens to women n Rape is just “no big deal” n No one, ever, deserves to be raped n No one “owes” sex for anything, even within a marriage n Any sex act forced against another person is rape n Rape often goes unreported n Men and children are also victims of rape n 1/3 of rape victims will have PTSDrelated symptoms

“A girl should never…” n n n Go out among strangers Go out with “A girl should never…” n n n Go out among strangers Go out with people she knows Be alone with a male, boyfriend, or date Stay at home Wear a skirt, jeans, sweatpants, or dress up Be between the ages of 12 to 24 Flirt Drink alcohol Go to parties Use bad judgment In other words: A girl should NEVER…be a girl.

Reporting and Responsibility n Reasons for not reporting: n Rape myth endorsement n Guilt Reporting and Responsibility n Reasons for not reporting: n Rape myth endorsement n Guilt n Self-blame n Victim-offender relationship n Never blame the victim for what the perpetrator did n Nobody wants, asks, or deserves to be harassed, assaulted, or raped n Believing it can be prevented leads to blaming victims

Safety Plan Message for Guys Message for Girls n If you’re getting mixed messages: Safety Plan Message for Guys Message for Girls n If you’re getting mixed messages: stop, ask, clarify n Be clear about your own sexual limits n Not worth going to jail! n “No, always means NO. So does, “maybe”, “I’m not sure”, “another time”, etc. An enthusiastic “yes” always means yes, from a SOBER person n Be clear about sexual limits n Use both words and actions to convey these limits n Trust your instincts n REPORT

How to help a friend n Listen n Believe n Support n Challenge myths How to help a friend n Listen n Believe n Support n Challenge myths and stereotypes (because the victim also endorses them) n Challenge oppression n Don’t blame the victim

Domestic (Intimate Partner) Violence n Domestic violence – behaviors used by one partner to Domestic (Intimate Partner) Violence n Domestic violence – behaviors used by one partner to gain and maintain control over the other n Domestic violence is a public health problem n It occurs every 15 seconds n It affects people of all genders, sexual orientations, ethnicities, religions, cultures, ages n It affects people who are married, unmarried, separated, living together, dating

Prevalence n 2 to 4 million US women are assaulted by a domestic partner Prevalence n 2 to 4 million US women are assaulted by a domestic partner each year n 830, 000 men per year are raped or assaulted n 30% of female murders vs. 6% of male murders are committed by an intimate partner n Underreporting is major issue n Victim returns to abuser an average of 6 times

Types of abuse Physical Hitting, pushing, shoving, strangling Emotional Restriction of money, employment Restriction Types of abuse Physical Hitting, pushing, shoving, strangling Emotional Restriction of money, employment Restriction of communicating with friends or family Name-calling, putdowns Intimidation Threats of physical or sexual harm Threatening suicide to make the other do something

Types of abuse n Sexual n Any forced or unwanted sexual contact n Stalking Types of abuse n Sexual n Any forced or unwanted sexual contact n Stalking – providing unwanted attention n Repeated harassment that produces fear n Someone you know or a stranger n 1 in 12 females and 1 in 45 males will be stalked in their lifetime

Other control tactics n Dominance n Humiliation n Isolation n Threats n Intimidation n Other control tactics n Dominance n Humiliation n Isolation n Threats n Intimidation n Denial and blame n Source: http: //www. helpguide. org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects. htm

Signs of abuse n Injuries and excuses n Absences from work and/or school n Signs of abuse n Injuries and excuses n Absences from work and/or school n Low-self esteem n Changes in personality n Self-blame n Isolation n Source: http: //www. aardvarc. org/dv/signs. shtml

Cycle of Violence Incident Any form of abuse occurs Guilt Abuser feels guilty and Cycle of Violence Incident Any form of abuse occurs Guilt Abuser feels guilty and fears punishment for abuse Rationalization/excuses Shifts responsibility from self

Cycle of Violence “Normal” behavior Abuser acts as if abuse never occurred Abuse may Cycle of Violence “Normal” behavior Abuser acts as if abuse never occurred Abuse may not occur Promises may be made Victim may hope abuse is done Fantasy and planning Abuser begins to think about abusing partner again Set- up Abuser finds a situation in which he/she can justify abuse

Same-sex Intimate Partner Violence – “Another Closet” n Same-sex intimate partner violence occurs is Same-sex Intimate Partner Violence – “Another Closet” n Same-sex intimate partner violence occurs is equally prevalent as heterosexual IPV n Source: http: //ssdv. acon. org. au/

Some unique aspects n “Outing” as a form of control n Abuse becomes intertwined Some unique aspects n “Outing” as a form of control n Abuse becomes intertwined with sexuality n Domestic violence isn’t understood well within the LGBT community n Undeveloped services

Myths and facts n Violence is a mutual fight n Drugs make the abuser Myths and facts n Violence is a mutual fight n Drugs make the abuser violent n The law cannot protect me because I am LGBT n I won’t be able to meet other LGBT people

Effects of domestic abuse n Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, shame, and failure n Effects of domestic abuse n Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, shame, and failure n Guilt n Depression n Anxiety n Post-traumatic stress disorder n Trouble in other relationships

Effects of domestic abuse n 3. 3 million children per year are exposed to Effects of domestic abuse n 3. 3 million children per year are exposed to domestic violence n Abuse while female is pregnant

Safety Plan n Trust and safety are key n Leaving is a process, not Safety Plan n Trust and safety are key n Leaving is a process, not an event n Leaving is complicated by finances, employment, children, and safety

Safety plan n Pack a domestic violence escape kit (extra house/car keys, money, birth Safety plan n Pack a domestic violence escape kit (extra house/car keys, money, birth certificates, insurance information, other legal documents) n Know the abuser’s “red flags” n Know a safe place in the home where you can go if an argument escalates n Be ready on a moment’s notice n Practice leaving n Develop a safety word to tell a friend, neighbor, coworker, etc. n Memorize phone numbers

Safety plan n Keep safe after you leave n Unlisted phone number n Restraining Safety plan n Keep safe after you leave n Unlisted phone number n Restraining order n Use a PO Box n Cancel old bank accounts and credit cards

Resources n SAVA – 24 hour confidential rape crisis hotline 1 -800 -656 -HOPE Resources n SAVA – 24 hour confidential rape crisis hotline 1 -800 -656 -HOPE n TESSA n Address: 320 South El Paso Street, Colorado Springs, CO 80903 Phone: (719) 633 -1462 or (719) 633 -3819 n Victim Advocacy Unit n Provided through the Colorado Spring’s Police Department n Full Circle Alternatives n Domestic Violence Enhanced Response Team (DVERT) n Address: 705 S. Nevada Ave. , Colorado Springs, CO 80903 Phone: (719)-444 -7813 n National Domestic Violence Hotline n 1 -800 -799 -SAFE n LGBT – Pride Center n Victim Services – (719) 471 -4429