If you make it plain you like people,

If you make it plain you like people, it’s hard for them to resist liking you back. Lois Mc. Master Bujold

Socializing can be defined as a form of interaction with individuals and a frequent participation in social activities. It’s simply mingling with people socially. We can’t do without socializing because it is our human nature : we don’t want to be alone.

Why do we need to socialize? • It gives you so much fun and enjoyment, allows to escape boredom. • It reduces the level of stress experienced in your daily activities. • It builds constructive and positive relationships. • It lifts your mood and you receive so much encouragement from friends/family when you go through difficult moments. • It provides the opportunity for you to explore new areas, such as different personalities etc. • It improves your personal growth and development. • It increases your self-confidence, builds your self-esteem. • It improves your mental functioning by constantly engaging and exercising your mind. • It widens your sphere of influence.

A relationship is a friendship or connection between people, the way in which people behave towards each other. No doubt (and there is a lot of evidence to it) that having close successful relationships is considered to be the major factor of people’s happiness no matter what culture they belong to.

So it is not surprising that for centuries people have been trying to find the best recipe for getting on well with each other and for gaining deeper intimacy with their nearest and dearest. An ability to communicate is a gift that a select few seem to be born with, while for the rest of us it is a skill that needs to be practised. It is impossible to be good company without some communicating skills.

We can’t deny the fact that our appearance influences the attitude of other people towards us and makes communicating either easier or more difficult. It is a basic human instinct to respond better to people who look attractive. Well-presented people get the best of life because on the one hand they provoke innate respect in others and on the other hand they feel more confident of themselves, less tense and so they have more opportunities to reveal their abilities and make their dreams come true.

But we can’t judge people by their looks only. Appearances are deceptive. To impress others favourably one should possess such qualities as personal charm, an ability to listen to others and encourage others, tolerance, cheerfulness, self-respect and so on. There is a potential of learning how to get on well with people in every person. So we should pay more attention to improving on our qualities that are out of balance than to taking much care of our appearance. What really prevents us from attracting ( appealing to ) people is not the shape of our nose or the colour of our hair but a lack of flexibility, self-criticism and positive thinking.

There are some qualities that a good mixer should possess and we should develop them if we’d like to succeed in relationships. Study the list of these qualities and arrange them in the order of importance. Rate them from the top score to the lowest score. Discuss your rating in pairs and give arguments in support of your choice. 1. Sense of humour 2. Tolerance 3. Flexibility 4. Optimism/cheerfulness/positive thinking 5. Ability to listen to others 6. Charisma/Personal charm 7. Openness/Honesty 8. Amicable character/kindness 9. Ability to encourage others 10. Good mental abilities/wide scope of knowledge 11. Self-confidence/self-respect

You are good at socializing if you • are always positive • can cope with any type of situation • can easily manage frustrations and disappointments of everyday life • can easily set up relationship with other people • can show or display an interest in others • can display a positive attitude or sympathy and empathy • can appreciate humorous situations • can easily set up non-verbal communication with others like smiling, nodding, laughing or waving

• look for positive and encouraging response from others • can easily express desire and wishes to mingle with other people • handle and manage any type of people including bullies • can become an effective member of a team or a group • develop a meaningful relationship with one or two peers

If you want to know if you find easy to make friends and being yourself you can find it solving this Quiz. Try it! 1. You see a group of people watching something; Your immediate reaction is to: a) Observe with interest from a distance b) Walk the other way as quickly as possible. c) Rush over and join the crowd. 2. You are at a party in a friend’s house. Do you: a) Talk to everyone with great enthusiasm? b) Sit quietly, watching and feeling awkward? c) Try to join in with the conversation when there’s an opportunity?

3. You are on a bus for a two-hour journey. Do you a) Have a magazine ready but respond if someone tries to talk you b) Break the ice with everybody and exchange life stories c) Read your book and try to sleep? 4. It’s your first day at a new college. Without thinking too much, you: a) Concentrate on the classes. b) Say “hi” and introduce yourself to as many people as possible. c) Try to be friendly but check things out first?

5. You go to the office party but it’s incredibly boring. Do you: a) Organize dancing and party games with obligatory participation? b) Wait for something to happen and avoid the people you dislike? c) Wait for people to relax and then join on the fun? 6. You see someone who you really like but hardly know walking towards you in the street. Do you: a) Wait and see if he/she recognizes you and then react? b) Take advantage of the opportunity to tell her him all about yourself? c) Look for a place to hide?

Scoring 1. a) 2 b) 1 c) 3 2. a) 3 b) 1 c) 2 3. a) 2 b) 3 c) 1 4. a) 1 b) 3 c) 2 5. a) 3 b) 1 c) 2 6. a) 2 b) 3 c) 1 Questionnaire key 14 -18 you’re super-sociable! You’re the life and soul of any party. You’re probably too busy socializing to read this! 9 -13 you can be sociable when you want but you know how to be by yourself as well. You can be the best of both worlds. 0 -8 you’re one of the world’s introverts. You are shy and definitely not into being sociable.

Now I think you are real experts on the subject and are ready to give advice to those who need it. Make up dialogues based on the following situations. 1. You’ve accidentally upset a good friend of yours by smth. you’ve said. Ask your mother for advice. 2. You’ve changed your school and you want to impress your new classmates favourably. Ask your elder sister for advice. 3. You feel there’s some negative attitude towards you in your class. You don’t understand what has happened and discuss the situation with your friend. 4. You had a quarrel with your mother. Now you are overcome with feelings of guilt and remorse. Relieve your pain to your friend. 5. You are in a bad mood. Everything seems to go from bad to worse. Your friend teaches you how to look on the bright side and cope with difficulties.

List your strengths (things about you that you feel are positive ) in the left-hand box. Do the same with your weaknesses (things about you that prevent you from attracting people / alienating people) in the right-hand box. Plan some measures to improve on your qualities that are out of balance.